Listening to sounds of snow shoveling crunching under-foot. Lamenting the melting of the snow encrusted vehicles…snow on my ledge that the sun will soon melt. Wistful, wishing to play in the snow, yet not wanting to be cold and wet. I remember when I used to put on layers of large waffled long johns and sled till my fingers and toes were numb, pants soaked through my nose bright red. I’d hurl myself down the hill crash and do it again and again.
It was the grownups that cleared the snow, had to pour water for the kettle to unfreeze the lock on the car door, & shovel to get to work. Yesterday that was my husband braving the snow to go to work & coming in looking as if he’d rolled in a snow bank encrusted with snow. My son and I got to play hooky & stay home all day & peek out our window at the branches wildly swaying amidst the frenetic snowflakes.
I remember when my son couldn’t wait to get out in the snow. He would pack snowballs like ice and throw them, haphazardly, on the streets of Manhattan, startling the moms who lunch on the upper eastside. I remember the joy, the wild reckless abandon, as if the city were his jungle, twirling sticks he found in the park, kicking snow, his cheeks bright red oblivious of the cold and the people that moved quickly out of range…
Now he’s grown up and so have I.
He has become aware, no longer in his own world, making us breakfast; being respectful while I do my work; spending time with his friends…. and part of me longs for the play. It is good to be grown, to be aware of myself, and others. It feels good to nurture myself, to be in a loving relationship, to get my things done. It feels good to watch my son mature. At the same time I look back and miss the fun we’d have all day out in the snow. I miss how he would get me to go out despite the cold to play out in nature.
I sit here drinking in wild herb tea. Mmmm, nettle and oat-straw. I feel them restore and nourish my body. I know I’m still connected I can still feel the giddy excitement from two days ago when the snow first came down. My husband had bundled me up, we became each others parents. “Take my hat! Wear a warm scarf. Be careful.. Do you have gloves?” I come out of the train, up the stairs, and explain with giddy words, “Oh its snowing!”. People turn and smile, its contagious. I look up and stick out my tongue to catch the flakes. I put on his hat and pull down the earflaps. I’m fine again and scamper home. I Love the new dancing flakes, they kiss my skin. Soft enfolded new clean wonder. Their beauty brings me back. I’m getting ready to go out into the snow. The sun and the snow beckons, “Play with me before I go. Can you come out and play?”
“Why yes here I come.”
Now I relish my joyful wild moments. & here are some pictures of my play in the snow. Hope you enjoy them too.